Total Immersion

I could be a life-long student. I love learning new things, and I'm fascinated by just about any idea--big or small. Our world is filled with unique people, places, things and phenomena. It's utterly amazing to me just how much there is and just how little I know.

And so, I am prone to total immersion.

When I come across something interesting, I research for hours, days and sometimes weeks. I get so engrossed in learning more that I don't realize how much time has passed. Or, that I've gotten off-topic numerous times because there is always something bright and shiny just around the proverbial corner.

I could be a life-long student.

And I don't think that's a bad thing. I mean, my passion for knowing doesn't hurt anyone--unless you count the dust bunnies which can be neglected when I'm on a researching tangent. But other than that, it's a harmless pastime. And passions drive us. They push us to do. For instance, my passion for all things psychological and child-centric means that so much of my reading/learning/knowing is about human beings, and tiny ones at that. This love spills over into my career and my writing. Not such a bad thing at all.

Anyone else a Cliff Claven? If so, what are your particular areas of interest? If not, what can you get totally immersed in?

Teen Tuesday: Hope versus Motivation

In my college psychology class we discussed an experiment on hope. It's a gruesome story and one I don't like repeating. However, it illustrates my point perfectly. In short, rats were left to drown in a bucket of freezing water. At the moment they gave up, they were dipped out, dried off and fed snacks. After this miraculous rescue, they were plunged back into the water and left to their own devices.

Now, a normal rat will swim about thirteen to fourteen minutes before fatigue sets in. Not so with the previously-saved rats who were still swimming nearly three days later.

Hope.

That's what the scientists called it. That's what many inspirational speakers call it when they recount this horror story of an experiment.

Others call it motivation.

What's the difference? And how does that difference affect you and your upcoming years of highschool survival?

I believe hope is something that comes from outside yourself. It's something you cannot achieve on your own. It's merely a thought you can hold on to that influences what you do. (I hope someone saves me soon!)

Motivation, on the other hand, speaks of action. It's making a conscious choice to work toward a goal. (Swim. If I stop, I'll drown. If I swim, I'll reach safety. Swim!)

Hope puts the outcome in someone else's hands, while motivation leaves it firmly in yours.

As teens, you need to take control of your lives. You need to start making choices that will affect the outcome of your future. Don't chug a six-pack and hope you make it home after the party. That's ridiculous and dangerous. Not to mention stupid on many levels.

Instead, let your desire to make it home happy, healthy and safe motivate you to choose

• not to drink
• not to ride with someone who's been drinking, or
• to seek a sober ride home.

You alone are in charge of your actions. Don't just sit back and hope things will work out in your favor. Rather, think about what you want in life and use that goal as motivation to succeed.

What things can you control as a teen? Think about all the paths your future can take--teacher or burger flipper, business CEO or bar fly, muscian or teen mother. Now, what choices can you make that will help you reach your goals? Which ones will inhibit your ability to reach them?

Sink or swim? The choice is yours.

Stripped Down Sunday:The Boy Next Door Syndrome

You know the routine. There's a girl and right next door lives this boy. He's all the things the girl wants, but she doesn't know it yet. Instead, she spends all her time sneaking under the fence to graze on the greener grass. She breaks a bridge--or twenty--takes him for granted and pushes him completely out of her life. Until one day he's gone. And that's exactly when she wants him.

Cliches, I know, but cliches packed with truth. In life, we so often fail to realize the good things we have, and we always seem to want more.

We live it, we read it, and we cry about it. Time and time again. But, we never, ever learn from it.

I married my high school sweetheart. This summer we celebrated our twentieth anniversary. About ten years into my marriage, an acquaintance expressed the feeling of awed disgust. "I don't know how you did it. I never could have married INSERT HER GUY NEXT DOOR'S NAME HERE."

Me: "Why not?"

Her: "Because, what if there's somebody better out there?"

Me: "There is."

Unequivocally there is a higher paying job, a more attractive dude, a faster car, smarter kids, better football players, cuter cheerleaders, skinnier gals, buffer boys, cuter hair, bigger houses, better co-workers--but there is only one guy next door. And if we are afraid to be happy with what we have then we won't be happy at all.

I'm not asking you to settle. I'm just asking you to assess what you have against what you need, then take good look at why you want more.

At the very least, learn from that acquaintance of mine. Fast forward ten years since the above conversation and she's still unmarried. Unmarried at 35 with no prospects, because every time she crawls under the fence, there's another green pasture, another fence, and another boy next door watching it all.

How do you let the Boy Next Door Syndrome rule your life? How do we break away from this mindset and start appreciating the things we have?