Personality Chameleons

Whispering Minds Sneak Peek Quote

Their mutual affection appeared sporadically, and only under favorable conditions. Namely, a bottle of booze and a good run at the casino.

 

Over the years, Gemini has witnessed the ups and downs of her parents' relationship. Yet every relationship is filled with peaks and valleys that can be largely dependent on circumstances and social settings.

We've all seen it, and it usually sucks:

• The football player who's nice right before homecoming.
• The pious girl friend who gets handsy at the movie theater.
• The best friend neighbor who ignores you in school.
• The shy nerd who swallows goldfish at all the parties.

But the question is, why do we change our behaviors based on certain circumstances, and is it even possible (or desirable) to be the same in every situation?

One of my favorite quotations goes something like this: To be a person of integrity, we have to be the same on the outside as we are on the inside.

Behaving in such a way that others see us the same way we see ourselves can be nearly impossible to achieve. In fact, I doubt many people even realize how far apart their view is compared to those around them.

Good, bad or indifferent, we are influenced internally and externally nearly every moment of every day. In that respect, it's to understand how chameleon-like we can be, constantly changing in response to the environment around us. Often in subtle ways, though sometimes as blatantly obvious as a margarita and a stacked poker hand.

In which ways do you change your behaviors based on those around you? Are there some circumstances where you feel more comfortable with yourself than in others? How does this affect your personal integrity?

For the record, I'm so glad I've already grown up. Learning these lessons was hard enough the first time around.

Rotting Relationships

Spring is to Romance as Fall is to Decay.

And not just the leaves. Relationships suffer greatly with the start of each new school year. Summer flings are flung when kids flock to the halls and are forced to conform to the whims of their peers. (Grease, anyone?) The girl with the glasses, zits and a little extra baby fat can return in September as the unexpected class babe. The cafeteria reeks of nasty lunches, new interests and fading passions.

Fall can be particularly dangerous for college bound folk and the significant others they leave behind.

Cute gals catch the eye of tethered-down guys, making them question the relationships they are in. Likewise, college seems to change boys to men overnight--at least in appearance. I'm not sure why, but standing on a university campus automatically adds muscle and coolness to even the geekiest guy.

But here's the thing. High school relationships are not supposed to last forever.

They are the opportunity to explore different personalities and activities. No, not those activities. The kind that help you find yourself.

• Do you like hiking, biking, mountain climbing and fishing?
• Are you content to hang out in a dark basement during a seven hour movie marathon?
• Would you rather suntan at the beach than kick a soccer ball?
• Does killing cyber zombies rock your world?
• Are you Right Wing, Left Wing or completely apathetic?
• Reduce, reuse and recycle?
• A vegan about to commit your heart to a hunter?

Who are you, what do you like and what do you want to do with your life?

High school and early college relationships will help you find out. So don't be afraid to let your beloved go if things no longer feel right. Because even those high school couples who get married, have twenty-seven kids and age out together don't have the same relationship they had while in school. They matured through experience, and part of that experience is hanging out with others and figuring out what you like.

Trust me on this. (Says the gal who married her high school sweetie, though not her first love.)

Now get going. Meet new peeps. Enjoy the diversity the world has to offer.

~Alexandra Tys

Puppy Love

A few weeks ago, my daughter became the proud owner of a two-pound Morkie. It was love at first sight. Then came midnight whimperings, puppy piddles, chewed shoes and constant supervision.

The honeymoon ended and love transformed, weighed down by inconvenience and responsibility.

In more than a few novels I've read, the characters never get past puppy love. They remain stranded on the island of Cooing and Oohing, where everything is physical and few interactions lack real depth. The relationships seldom transform into something more meaningful.

It could be that I'm just getting old and out of touch--wanting something beyond girl gets boy--but I believe that teens deserve more substance.

Am I wrong to think that teens might appreciate a glimpse into mature, healthy relationships? Or, do they prefer more fluff than stuff in their quest to escape the reality of their own lives?

Speak up. Speak out. Your opinion matters.

Stripped Down Sunday:The Boy Next Door Syndrome

You know the routine. There's a girl and right next door lives this boy. He's all the things the girl wants, but she doesn't know it yet. Instead, she spends all her time sneaking under the fence to graze on the greener grass. She breaks a bridge--or twenty--takes him for granted and pushes him completely out of her life. Until one day he's gone. And that's exactly when she wants him.

Cliches, I know, but cliches packed with truth. In life, we so often fail to realize the good things we have, and we always seem to want more.

We live it, we read it, and we cry about it. Time and time again. But, we never, ever learn from it.

I married my high school sweetheart. This summer we celebrated our twentieth anniversary. About ten years into my marriage, an acquaintance expressed the feeling of awed disgust. "I don't know how you did it. I never could have married INSERT HER GUY NEXT DOOR'S NAME HERE."

Me: "Why not?"

Her: "Because, what if there's somebody better out there?"

Me: "There is."

Unequivocally there is a higher paying job, a more attractive dude, a faster car, smarter kids, better football players, cuter cheerleaders, skinnier gals, buffer boys, cuter hair, bigger houses, better co-workers--but there is only one guy next door. And if we are afraid to be happy with what we have then we won't be happy at all.

I'm not asking you to settle. I'm just asking you to assess what you have against what you need, then take good look at why you want more.

At the very least, learn from that acquaintance of mine. Fast forward ten years since the above conversation and she's still unmarried. Unmarried at 35 with no prospects, because every time she crawls under the fence, there's another green pasture, another fence, and another boy next door watching it all.

How do you let the Boy Next Door Syndrome rule your life? How do we break away from this mindset and start appreciating the things we have?

Feel-Good Friday: Of Clothes Lines and Shooting Stars

Every romantic relationship has a first kiss, and each one should feel magical. My favorite first kiss occurred on a dark night that can only happen in the country with few lights to wash away the stars. I was in my room on the second floor of our old farmhouse when I heard a thunk against my window. And another.

I snuck down the stairs so as not to wake my dad and opened the front door to the slightly intoxicated and very hot high school boy I'd been flirting with for years. After much coaxing on his behalf, we settled in under the clothes line on the side of the house. As our conversation meandered to whatever high school kids talk about, he leaned into me, until his arm pressed against my shoulder.

An electric jolt shot through my body, but all I could think about was his hands. We'd driven to basketball games together, and always, I'd watched his hands on the steering wheel. They were strong hands even back then. Capable of shifting gears without so much as a hitch in his sports car. Perpetually tan to match his naturally dark complexion. Drumming on his dashboard in perfect time to the music. Any music, but mostly The Cars.

He grabbed my leg and pointed into the night withhis other hand. "Did you see that?"

I hadn't. The only thing I saw was him. The only thing I felt was the burn of my bare thigh under his fingers.

"It was a shooting star. I've never seen one before." His husky voice filled the summer evening with awe. It filled me with something else all together.

No sooner had I told him it was lucky to wish on a shooting star than another light streaked across the sky. With experienced ease, his lips found mine. He tasted of cheap beer--something I can't drink, or even smell, to this day without thinking of him.

As we broke apart, his friends--who I didn't know had tagged along--burst around the side of the house and caught the clothesline right across their necks. The force of it threw them backwards onto the ground. In an instant, our new-found passion erupted into rolling laughter.

While my last first kiss wasn't filled with fireworks, it was a moment never before experienced and one never to be duplicated. That's the magic of the first kiss. No matter how many times you smooch after that, you'll never, ever be able to replicate the experience.

Thank, God. Because if those yahoos were still hanging around our house at night, I'd be a little worried!

Do you remember your first-first kiss, or was there another one far more important along the way? If you could do it all over again, what would you change about the most important kiss your of your life? And if you've yet to experience this magical moment, what do you envision to be the perfect setting, the perfect guy, the perfect kiss?

Spill it all on First Kiss Friday.